well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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