Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
