Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
where are my eyebrows?
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