i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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