I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
