READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
