She is in my trunk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
