It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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