batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
