David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
