tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
