I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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