We're facebook friends in real life
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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