She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
