So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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