he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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