Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Houston, we have a blender
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
