i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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