please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
