Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i love accidental penises.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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