i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
