At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
