I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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