He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
