did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
