I am spending my child support on dildos
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
