I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
