I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
