Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
