I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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