So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
