and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
