u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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