"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
