i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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