I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
