Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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