Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
