I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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