is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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