ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How external is "for external use only"?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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