we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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