We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
