May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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