i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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