Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
