words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though