You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"