I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers