ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
