I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
