Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.

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  (248): The first sip always goes straight to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/w086
  Replies (17) Good night (5941) Bad night (714)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (16184) Bad night (1093)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

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  (215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. http://tfl.nu/xwgk
  Replies (43) Good night (6847) Bad night (1009)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.

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  (954): i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month. http://tfl.nu/t4na
  Replies (4) Good night (3449) Bad night (560)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.

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  (610): Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/94uz
  Replies (39) Good night (6071) Bad night (2933)
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  (516): View more from New York

  she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.

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  (516): she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude. http://tfl.nu/2mtw
  Replies (6) Good night (2084) Bad night (1874)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer

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  (313): I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer http://tfl.nu/w7yv
  Replies (8) Good night (2208) Bad night (890)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed

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  (717): I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed http://tfl.nu/mass
  Replies (6) Good night (2216) Bad night (1397)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer

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  (519): I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer http://tfl.nu/z4my
  Replies (4) Good night (1215) Bad night (1642)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know

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  (732): There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know http://tfl.nu/hfe3
  Replies (5) Good night (1684) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.

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  (208): You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch. http://tfl.nu/o56t
  Replies (1) Good night (1274) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing

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  (309): adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing http://tfl.nu/dxv4
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (457)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.

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  (+44): This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner. http://tfl.nu/2gdm
  Replies (3) Good night (390) Bad night (859)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks

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  (204): i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks http://tfl.nu/udr3
  Replies (2) Good night (621) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.

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  (313): We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up. (313): Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals. http://tfl.nu/39hn
  Replies (7) Good night (1373) Bad night (418)

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