I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....