I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my poor anus
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize