This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
