I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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