Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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