Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
