if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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