I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dear god my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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