I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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