dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
