im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
