C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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