i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
