I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
