Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
