im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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