Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
