I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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