Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
