We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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