I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
