I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
