I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
