you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
