After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
