hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
