Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
