Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
