Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize