Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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