You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
where are my eyebrows?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
